


Hindsight

by Ataleofterror



Category: The Terror (TV 2018)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon Era, Cruelty, Implied Sexual Content, Intense, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Secret Relationship, Threats, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:01:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29028369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ataleofterror/pseuds/Ataleofterror
Summary: As he feels Hickey’s knife in his back, Billy thinks back to a time they were still lovers, and he finally sees how every moment of their relationship has led to this conclusion.
Relationships: William Gibson/Cornelius Hickey
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5
Collections: The Terror Bingo





	Hindsight

**Author's Note:**

> In response to my Terror Bingo prompt "Hindsight."

As he feels Hickey’s knife in his back, Billy thinks back to a time they were still lovers, and he finally sees how every moment of their relationship has led to this conclusion. He should have known then that being the object of a man like Cornelius’ love was always going to lead to his ruin.

*

The devil makes work for idle hands, as Lt. Irving would say, and on no day was this more apparent than the Sabbath. Although Sir John led mass on Sundays on Erebus, thankfully those on The Terror were spared such horrors, due to the Captain’s distaste for all things Church of England. The few Irish Catholics said a few quick few prayers and praised their God by indulging heartily in their rum rations. 

One such Sunday Billy had been idling languidly on his bunk, attempting to read, but his attention kept turning back to the caulker’s mate, whose hands had been running through his hair just that previous night. He and Hickey had been seeing each other for some time now; they no longer needed to find excuses to bump into each other or find themselves alone and unobserved in some dark corner. A mere look sufficed. Billy snapped his book shut, jumped off his bunk and decided what to do with his idle hands.  
He skulked around the mess hall looking for Cornelius but he was nowhere to be found. He daren’t ask the other men where he was, lest he arouse suspicion. As far as Billy was aware, no one knew of their acquaintance bar the two of them.

Billy climbed the ladder down to the hold and he was pleased to find Hickey in what he considered to be “their” nook. He had his back turned to him and was reading in the light of a lantern placed on a barrel. There was a rare sense of unguardedness in his stance. Billy stood to admire his silhouette for a moment before he approached. He had to suppress a laugh when he saw what he was reading.

Billy approached him silently, putting his hands on his waist and pushing his hair back, exposing his ear, kissing the spot just below. “Who are you then, Fagin, the Artful Dodger, or perhaps the titular character himself?” He was pleased that the other man permitted this level of non-sexual touching. 

Hickey froze momentarily before shrugging Billy off violently.

“Get off,” he hissed.

Billy felt like he’d been slapped. “Oh, so you can fuck me any which way you like but a kiss is too much?”

“Don’t take on so Billy, I just don’t like you fussing over me like an overkeen bride.”

“I’m just a warm body to you am I, anyone would do? The dog, perhaps, or a rat?” Billy was sick of treading on eggshells with Hickey, never knowing when he might nudge some long-buried sore spot he has no advance warning about.

“Could you perhaps lay down the Articles of Engagement for our association so that I can be clear on what exactly is permitted?”

“Don’t be so ridiculous,” Hickey said, still not facing Billy.

“If you can write them, that is. If you’re not pretending to read that book,” Billy regretted his comment as soon as he said it, but refused to back down.

“Indeed I can Billy, and a good deal better than that chicken scratch you call an excuse for penmanship,” Hickey said as he turned around. “You must have been a terrible embarrassment to your poor father, the schoolmaster’s own son the slowest at writing. Did he cane you?” Hickey’s eyes went completely blank and Billy found it hard to imagine he was fondly kissing his neck just moments before.

Billy was aware that he started the conversation on the below-the-belt direction it had taken, but this mention of his dear, dead papa was intolerable. Adopting the same detached attitude as Hickey, he asked, “Is that what it is Cornelius, the want of a father, is that why you’re so obsessed with the Captain?”

He knew that Hickey hated any reference to or attempt at discussing his past, especially his childhood, and he hoped this would strike him in the softest part of his soul, as he did Billy. He needed to know that such a place existed.

“Or perhaps you’re interested in men because no woman ever cared for you, not even your own mother? Is that what made you so brittle, Cornelius?” Billy was shocked at his own capacity for cruelty. How easily it came to him. He almost wanted Hickey to hit him in that moment, to betray an emotion of any kind. 

All he got in return was a cold, level gaze, as Hickey responded with half-closed eyes, as if he was already bored of the conversation: “Brittle breaks, Billy. I bend with the wind,” he said, returning his attention to his book.

“Spare me your philosophy,” Billy said, rolling his eyes. “I don’t need to stay here and be insulted, especially by the likes of you.” 

“Off you go then,” Hickey said, pulling a cigarette out of his pocket. “Irving’s drawers need a good washing, I’m sure.”

Hickey always seemed to find great amusement in the fact that Billy did the officers’ laundry, something he himself clearly had no great inclination to do, based on how much duty owing he got for sloppy appearance. Hickey caulked privies, elbow deep in other men’s shit, yet still he managed to make Billy feel small for work he did, despite his obvious superiority in the hierarchy.

“Don’t bother coming to me tonight,” Billy spat out over his shoulder as he climbed the ladder.

“I wasn’t planning on it,” Hickey replied with a dismissive half wave.

Billy found it hard to believe how the situation got so out of hand so quickly.

“Oh and Billy?” Hickey said, as Billy turned his head towards him, “What?” he said petulantly, still fully expecting Cornelius to come slinking back with his tail between his legs later that evening.

“Do not trifle with me,” he said in an emotionless tone, “for you will not be the better of it.”


End file.
